i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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