Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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