Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
