Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Randomize
