EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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