Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
