the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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