even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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