Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
