my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
