he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
