i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
