I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize