Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
