rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
