White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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