walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Do vagina's smell?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
