You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
