I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
