went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
