so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
