just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
