chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So many bounce houses so little time
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
