he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
