I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
