did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
