I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize