ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
