thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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