Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
being pregnant is like rehab
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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