I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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