Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We left an ass print on the piano.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
