dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
