good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
