If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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