So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
