Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
