I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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