She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
