So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
