My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
