can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
