me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
