We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
