We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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