Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
not ubering you a puppy
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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