ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
why is half of my head shaved?
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