His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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