can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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