opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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