You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
