Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
