i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
