Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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