he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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