Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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