im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so let's talk penis.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
