All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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