i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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