thus making me awesome and them whores
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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