Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
