Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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